More With Me Than Without

I opened my eyes and do what I normally do, grab my iPhone. Kept close for an alarm, it serves as a way to get some things done before my feet hit the floor and my mind hits the day.

But then I remembered.

There is someone I need to talk to first.

Thank you for another day Jesus. I want to be a good steward of this day and all you’ve given. Thank you for a heart that beats and lungs that breathe and for your gift of salvation. Thank you for loving me even when I am unlovable.

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How easy is it to just plow ahead and forget? How many days of forgetting until we just forget altogether? Why does our to-do list claw at the fiber of our day, every day?

And isn’t a soul at peace after a talk with the Lord?

The big warm man next to me fills his side of the bed and as he reminds me in not-quite-wakefulness that today is my birthday and says more with me than without now, I remember.

I’d just turned twenty-one when we wed. Just a pup. A bawling, demanding pup and now, today, I turn forty-two so that means I’ve officially been married to this man half my life.

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I try not to bawl and demand so much now.

I still feel like a pup most days though.

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How does it go so fast?

How does time claw at the fiber of our days and make them go so fast that sometimes we forget?

I don’t want to forget. I don’t want the next twenty-one years to go as fast as these.

I want to embrace every moment now. Embrace my people. All my people. This life.

Half my life in this life and what’s the second half going to bring?

Thank you Jesus for the breath in my lungs and the blood in my body and the good man in my bed and the beautiful children in my heart and the family who holds us and the friends who love us and help me to be a good and then better steward of it all. Help me not bawl and demand like the pup I still drag around on the leash you cut for me so long ago.

Help me cherish each moment and help me not forget even for a second.

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The kids make me pancakes and sing. Two besties text precious blessings and my mama calls to celebrate all these years of being my mama. Facebook fills up just like my heart and then Chuck the house- quail screams his raptor scream and it mixes with all the house and in it I hear life is nutty and life is fast but birthdays are good and all the days are good so embrace every last ounce of them.

And all these sounds…all these people…all these critters…

…these are the things that help me not forget.

And I embrace the day.

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Hit rewind, click delete.  Stand face to face with the younger me… All of the mistakes… All of the heartbreak… Here’s what I’d do differently, I’d 

 Love like I’m not scared,  Give when it’s not fair,  Live life for another,  Take time for a brother
Fight for the weak ones,  Speak out for freedom,  Find faith in the battle,  Stand tall but above it all
Fix my eyes on You
~On You~

(Fix My Eyes, For King and Country)

 

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